keeping up with the seasons

Over the last few months I have learned quite a bit more about the people around me. I’ve always considered myself an empathetic person. And I’ve been pretty outspoken that I think empathy is something everyone should possess. The sad truth is, so many people do not have the ability to put themselves into someone else’s headspace.

This year I finally feel like I’m surrounded by the right people. And in every conversation I have, I try to take the inspiring and truthful tid bits and apply what might help parts of my life.

Something someone said that has stuck in my head is that we need to allow people to go through their own seasons. We can only control ourselves. We cannot control what other people think or do.

All we can do is what we think is right, and what we know feels right for ourselves. Now, the tricky part is that it is hard for some people to cultivate those “right” things & apply them the “right” way. With so much going on around us all the time, I think we as humans are very impressionable even if we think we have ourselves figured out. Even if you think you know who you are to your core, some things just shake you and cause you to act “out of character.” But boy is it a hard pill to swallow when that “out of character” comes from a character you thought you understood.

What’s also tricky is deciding what really is “right.” Our parents hope is that they taught us right from wrong. But anyone can fuck up. Anyone can be an ass for a second or two. Or three or four. There is a time to be “wrong” so you can tell someone who did something “wrong” to you to fuck off. So fight wrong with wrong?? Not always. But sometimes.

But this time around I’m trying to “practice being kind rather than right” (Liz Gilbert, you speak to my soul) but holy fuck is that hard to do too. Being kind IS easy for me to do. In fact, I fucking love being kind to others. It feels so good!!!! For me it’s easy because well, I’m a good human being. And I’m not afraid to boast about that. Clearly!

But deciding not to fight fire with fire is difficult when something really just punches you right in the heart 18 times. Pain makes us want to do crazy things sometimes. But I know this time I can’t retaliate. What’s crazy to me is how I feel when all I was trying to create was peace. And as I just wrote that, I think about how long real wars last, and how TRUE peace time never really exists…

So in all of this, that probably makes no sense to anyone because I never really explained what created my pain, but it is kind of irrelevant.

My point, if I really have one, is that “The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” (John Green, you’re a bad ass)

But again, holy fuck is forgiveness hard. But is it hard, really? Or is it just that need to be “right” that makes it difficult?? Maybe sometimes. But in this instance, I kind of just feel betrayed. I feel like I shouldn’t have to be the one to forgive. I think it’s bullshit that I didn’t do anything but tell the truth. And don’t come at me with “the truth hurts,” because it just all hurts, okay?

So if the only way to leave the pain and suffering behind is to forgive, then HOW, HOW do we pursue this path of forgiveness? Especially if you don’t really feel like it’s the path or season you’re meant to be in? Good fucking question. I’ve been trying to decide how to start for a few months now.

Everyone should feel anyway they want to feel at any given time. After all, our feelings are ours. So go on with your bad self and feel that shit out. Don’t hold back or push aside how you feel. But maybe decide how long you want to feel that way, then get your ass up to strut passed that shit.

So, seasons. Not Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall. But, LIFE seasons – pain or depression, love, happiness, guilt, forgiveness – all these seasons that run through our delicate minds and entwine with our sensitive souls…how do we manage when our seasons don’t align with someone else’s?? I just don’t know! I guess we just have to deal with it. Let others navigate their own season as we navigate ours. Since we are all different, we are bound to never fully align with anyone, ever. Truly, fully, entirely. In any season, good or bad, just do what is necessary to make your season BLOOM & FLOURISH.

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